Grampy didn’t know who I was. I told him that I got the job offer I worked so hard to land. He knew it was what I had been working towards for five years. He understood what I was doing. He congratulated me and told me he was proud of me and to call him and tell him what it was like.
The Saturday after my first week I called him and he didn’t know who I was. He spoke to me in his native language he knows I don’t understand. He thought that I was my Dad, but my Dad when he was my age, 30-something years ago. I didn’t know what to do. I said bye and that I loved him and hung up and I just sat there. I didn’t know what to do.
Two weeks prior, I got into a car accident. I built this whole new life for myself. I had just accepted my job offer and had another half dozen offers on the table. It was on a road I had traveled on almost everyday for five years, even when I rode the bus… before I could afford a car. I never had any trouble. I didn’t see the truck going the wrong way until it was right in front of me. Its headlights were blaring and it was racing towards me. I swerved out of the way at the last second. A car hit me from behind but, I was safe. I just sat there. I didn’t know what to do, my face was expressionless. I didn’t know what do. I kept seeing the headlights staring back at me, but I didn’t feel anything.
Then I decided to make make changes in my life. Serious changes. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t living the life I wanted. It was like my whole life I had been running, but I didn’t know when I started or why or where I was headed. I just looked around and I didn’t know where I was… but I knew I was 100 miles from where I wanted to be.
I started meditating and praying, believing in God. I wanted to talk to my Aunt about it. Two days later her kidneys failed. I was running out of time. I didn’t know what to do. Time was running out. I didn’t know where I was or who I was, only that I wasn’t where I wanted to be… but I didn’t know how to get there… or if I was even worthy.
And now… I am here, in love with you… and I have never been so sure of anything in my whole life.