Adventure Family Fantasy Horror Sci-fi

After Humanity---02: Alienated Earth

June 12, 2019
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Average Rating: 2.72

 

’Eighty-five percent of the ecosystem has been restored…Yet, there’s still more work to be done. Obliterating and containing the extraterrestrials doesn’t seem to decrease the number…If that is so, where are they originating from?’

 

The humanoids’ thoughts were interrupted as three beings entered the computer room. Though the two in the back wore black breastplates and masks that hid their appearance, one being stood in front of them that the male was able to identify.

 

He stood uprightly as he faced upward at the male before him. The being in the right spoke aloud but in a foreign language. The person stood from its chair and made a gesture for the first two to leave. The identical duo placed their hands on their chest in salutation before exiting the room.

 

Leaving the humanoids’ alone…

 

The one who had arrived with the duo, positioned both of his hands behind his back, letting its worm-like hair, in which was entrapped with nets, fall unto its eyes. A message in its mind caught the being’s attention,

 

 

 

Nakande:  Mortal DNA is merging with the abominations, as you said…Just this last time--

 

 

 

Ferra’Tor: Even if the mortals still remain on Mother Earth, the Ma’kuubah are expanding at an irregular speed.

 

 

 

Nakande: I do not have the time for your inconvenient blabber. If there is any chance at all that, it is our duty--

 

Ferra’Tor: The army aren’t as capable as you and I—

 

Nakande: Silence!

 

 

 

An animalistic groan came from the one named Ferra’Tor as he averted his eyes in another direction. The other, named Nakande, let out a soft sigh as he proceeded to message,

 

 

 

Nakande: If there are any possibilities that the men of Source still reside on Mother Earth, we must do what we can to ensure that both the mortals and Mother Earth are protected. You know this already.

 

 

 

Nakande approaches Ferra’Tor, watching his movements as some light from the stars above them illuminate the other’s mask. His gestures depicted of one who was constantly discrete and closure. Despite this, the male answered,

 

Ferra’Tor: Yes, I do…I only…

 

The older humanoid laid a hand on the Ferra’Tor’s shoulder as if he was attempting to comfort him.

 

Nakande: I understand your worries, mic shyna. However, life on Mother Earth is either mutating, evolving or spawning. I cannot risk the universes strongest specimen alive to cease like the rest...

 

With a nod, Ferra’Tor placed a hand on the others shoulder in agreement…

 

~~~

 

[Scanning…]

 

Object: Maple Tree

 

 

 

Age: 3 years

 

 

 

Life force: 79%

 

 

 

Energy Status: Stable

 

 

 

Other:

 

 

 

‘Three years…? That is impossible.’ The cyber retracted its hands from the tree, thus the labels ceased. It stared upward at the large plant, approximately fifty feet in height and ten feet in width.

 

‘Almost everything on this planet is recent. The rock itself could not have been terminated…could it? Nevertheless, that would mean that the energy I’m receiving from here would feel new but…It is familiar.’ Facing downward, the cyborg went around the tree and proceeded its journey.

 

Confusion was its overall emotion and ignorance seemed to be its annoyance. Notwithstanding this, as the automaton glanced upward at the skies, all those thoughts dissipated and were replaced with amazement. It appeared as if some mixed colors collaborated with the blue sky above. Colors such as white, pink, and lime. Conversely, it would be considered a red flag seeing these colors to humans—

 

Wait…

 

Humans?

 

How did it know such a race...? Without even seeing a single one in sight?—

 

A sudden motion in the mortals’ stomach caused the being to stop and look down. When it did so, the motion continued as the area brightened through the fissures of the solar plexus.

 

‘What is this…?’ It asks mentally, only to be interrupted by a loud grumble behind it. Whipping its head around, the cyborg perceived a long-armed creature, buff creature. Its legs resided in the tall grass, presumably nowhere to be seen for the robot. The robot recognized the beast, thus relaxed its shoulders a bit when it remembered it lacked sight.

 

The beast constantly swung its arms at the grass, which motioned at a quick pace. Something resided in the grass that disturbed the beast, or so the automaton thought. The cyborg proceeded to continue its journey; however, it walked backward and slowly as to not alert the beast. Drawing a claw, the beast grazed the back of a slim and warped organism. The movement was so sudden that it made Cyborg jump and fall onto a tree near him.

 

Though the tumble sounded quiet to the robot, the vibration of another’s movement notified the animal quite a lot. It turned its head towards the sound, its ominous black eyes glaring daggers at whatever made such an effort. The cyborg clenched onto the wood of the tree behind it in intimidation. What first became slow and steady steps swiftly altered into quick thuds in which shook the earth. Immediately did the automaton turn to flee for its very life!

 

The beast would catch up with the cyborg at any given moment. However, what only prevailed for the cyborg appeared to be its speed—nothing else. Furthermore, its ability to outmaneuver the predator seemed to be the only strategy it could execute for the time being.

 

 The machine meandered across the forest to no profit. The beast didn’t intend on submitting any time soon---

 

Unless!

 

Moving straight ahead once more, with the beast surging through the trees after it, the cyborg felt an unexpected tightness in its limbs as it began to transfer at a faster pace. A bolt of voltage coursed through its body, especially its legs, as it zoomed towards the base of a cliff. Interlaced with weeds and vines. To one, it would be a dead end for the automaton, but to another, it would be of many benefits. With this fact in mind, the machine proceeded to run skyward, up to the surface of the rugged rock. 

 

As a current of energy streamed through its attire, the cyborg leaped off the stalwart onto the beast, who had commenced to open its mouth broadly. Understanding faultlessly of its actions and prepared to sink its teeth into its circuits only to be trekked on the head harshly. Despite the pain, blinding its senses for a bit, the creature swayed it claws left and right, attempting to catch its prey.

 

The metallic thud echoed as the machine panted. It landed on the brink of the precipice on its back; the beast remained at the base of that cliff, fluctuating its arms at every direction. The machine twisted its upper body, to take a glimpse of the upset predator.

 

Indeed, confusion would be its overall emotion for a very long period of time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note: Thank you for reading my stories! As you can see, I do need lecturing and assistance as I am a new writer of four years. So please, don't be afraid to point out even the simplest mistakes as I wish to be better at the art. I won't be editing until I'm finished though, just to keep my mind focus on finishing/getting it all out there.

 

Thank you again for reading! :) <3

 

 

 

 

 


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Again, needs concision and better grounding
naricorn rated this work:

June 13, 2019, 12:25 p.m.

I found this installment harder to understand than the other two. Your sentences are sometimes convoluted and take some time to work through.

*"one being stood in front of them that the male was able to identify." As with the first two parts of your story, concision is an issue here.

Anyway, another issue probably comes from you not naming any of the characters (or, if you don't want to name any of them yet, calling them by a defining characteristic that helps us identify/keep track of them.) One of them you describe as someone "the male was able to identify," but that doesn't tell the reader much. When you say the person stood from his chair, I had to try to piece together who was whom. The humanoid? But if he's a person, why go to the trouble of differentiating him from humans? I get the sense that you have a clear picture of what's going on with your plot and characters, but please share it with us!

*It's "stood upright." Also, that paragraph should be reworked for clarity. Like, "he stood, facing [some identifying name for the male.] One being spoke language foreign to [him.]

*I see you do name the characters later. No reason you couldn't do it earlier.

*"Confusion was its overall emotion and ignorance seemed to be its annoyance. " These are passive constructions and could be improved. Show its confusion rather than telling us.

*The beast part confused me as I was trying to place it within the context/timeline of the story.

I know you said you aren't going to edit until the story is finished, but I really think even going back to work through one would help you in refining your style for the rest of your piece!

Plot Character Motivation Concision

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LightWorker:

You're right. I see where you're coming from. I still have trouble when it comes to intense scenes (like a fight scene, a chase scene, etc.)

I apologize greatly for the poor chapter. I will review on this chapter when I have time.: )

Thanks again for reading!

what's going on
van rated this work:

June 20, 2019, 11:32 a.m.

Yes! Another chapter! Your writing is as mature and confident as ever, so no worries there. Although I've got to say, I don't know what's going on at all. At some point you're going to need background so readers know the stakes and why they should care about this story in the first place, like a narrator or character laying out even just the foundation of a plot.
Also, the problem with too much ambiguity and a lack of specificity is that readers stop get confused and just get frustrated. When there's no names for a significant amount of time, it's hard to feel invested. Like Vonnegut said, "Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for." Using general terms like "beings" or "humanoids" or "person" for too long obstructs reader investment in the story. Long story short, consider using characters' names! We want to know characters so we can love (or hate, depending on who they are) them. What's their goal? What do they want? What's the driving force of this story?
I think, overall, you're starting too soon, if that makes sense. I'm sorry to keep spouting Vonnegut (he's just so great) but another piece of advice he gave was "Start as close to the end as possible." That way we really feel the momentum, the action, the stakes of the story. It's one of the many ways you can prevent a story from being too slow. I can tell you've got an epic story building up, and I like the glimpses of personality we've gotten from the characters (like the robot!) but I need a framework so I can properly appreciate the world you've created here.

Plot

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