Rise Up

May 12, 2020
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"About the pomegranate I must say nothing, for its story is somewhat of a holy mystery." -Pausanias

 

I am in the hand of Persephone

I coaxed her from her home and mother

My poison seeped into her throat

As Hades whispered to her

Convinced her to remain with him

In the dark

With the dead.

 

I grew in the desert land

Alongside the Israelites

Out of Egypt.

I knew them in bondage

Felt the knife in my skin

Like the whip against theirs.

They cried to turn back to my kin

And I called out with them.

There is no shade.

My juice is dry.

 

I felt the scouts clasp me in their hands.

Could it be true?

Am I rescued?

But no, we had not believed

I had little faith

That they would come to pitch their tents beside me.

 

The Temple--

Its priests I have seen in splendor.

Solomon took my shape for his crown

I was the ruler of fruits.

I was a thing of beauty and promise.

 

I have been in God's presence

Decorated the robes of His priests

And clasped the sides of His Covenant Word.

 

My name is to "rise up"

"To be mounted up"

But how quickly and easily I fall.

 

How is it that I could be in the presence of a Holy God

And forget the weight I carry when I turn against Him?

How else could that sin which bruises and stains

Be cleansed except through the flow of blood.

My juice can only run so far.

 

I am lifted into the open hands of a Babe

My rind open so you can see

Where I have bled

What seeds were torn from me

And what He has replaced and remade.

 

The weight I took when I turned from Him was too heavy for me to bear

And yet, He chose me

To decorate the robes of His priests

And clasp the ends of His Covenant Word.

He let His blood flow

Further than mine ever could

And covered me completely.

 

My name is " rise"

"To be mounted up."

I have been buried and raised

With the One who holds me

And I mount up

On wings like eagles.


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The Other Side Of The Coin
ifyouseekay468 rated this work:

May 19, 2020, 7:23 p.m.

I'm probably the last sort of person to be commenting on a poem about salvation, but wow this is just.... wow. I don't know how else to describe it except it's like seeing things from the opposite perspective? Because of where I came from and how I grew up my writing is full of reclaimed and inverted biblical imagery, but once in a while its nice to see things from the viewpoint I originally grew up in- without being surrounded by people pressuring me to conversion. I love this kind of writing so much, where you take classical narratives and apply them to your own experiences, reclaiming them to your own devices. I personally am always a fan of having multiple interpretations of the same thing, it creates interesting oxymorons that only work in this kind of writing. I don't have much critique except that you should do more? Work on more allegorical poetry until you find yourself face to face with that one line that's the whole point of the poem, sometimes it won't be obvious until you've written it and then you're reading back over it.

Again, the only critique is that something is missing but I don't know what it is, so the only advice I can really give is to do MORE, get really into the imagery- which I can tell you're already doing, but everyone needs to write some self indulgent oversaturated prose- because that's how you get the best poetry. Write more drafts, get really into the voice to the point that when you're done with the draft its like waking up from a dream.

Voice Originality

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